"We made Love by the Ocean as the Waves crashed around You"

Steph--

My all-time favorite songs for right now?

1. "Winner Winner" by Kid Named Chicago, Jason's band that broke up in the middle of October. I have all their songs they recorded onto the computer.
2. "All About Us" by T.A.T.U. the uncut music video is CREEPY, surreal, but truthful.
3. "Duality" by Slipknot
4. "Pulse of the Maggots" by Slipknot as well.
5. "Pet" by A Perfect Circle
6. "Raven" by Kittie
7. "Phantom Queen" by Oracle

That all said. I am in here in the college's student center, feeling like passing out so I can escape reality. I feel totally to blame for this week, every last moment of it. I haven't even been given a moment to worry whether or not I passed those math tests I retook. I spoke to much, and thought to little. What I DID think of, I thought I was doing the right thing, but I only ended up hurting people I care for. They are angry at me, at least three of them, and that is enough to cause me to feel like the scum of the entire universe. I regret being taught and encouraged to always tell the absolute truth, no matter what. What will result from me not shutting my big mouth, I never intended. I want to crawl into a time machine, and change everything. Including mixing up the cell phone numbers, and not thinking to use an inside voice when speaking into the cell phone. My voice carries, and it is highly annoying. I hate being so emotional.... I hate being who I am. Sometimes. Most of the time.
I remember, as a little girl, watching shows that said "Help people you care about if there is a problem, or something you are concerned about. Sure, they may be angry at you for a while, but after they get the proper help, they will forgive you and be willing to be friends with you again."
I believed those shows. Now, I am scared I may have unintentionally ruined several peoples' lives. I don't know what to think. I don't know who to turn too, and what to say, when I do find that person. Am I just being over-emotional and paranoid? I am trying to tell myself I am, but having lost sleep over everything last night, I don't know if I can trust my feeble mind. Whether I should be silent from this moment on, or go to find help. Help for myself. I am the screwed up one. The one who had a chance to TRULY experience life, but instead, CHOSE, to only grasp a small piece of that freedom, and only then, when forced too, or for a school event or something of the sort. I could sit down with a piece of paper and pencil and list all I can remember that my brain tells me was mistakes or unintentional things I have done in my life; all I still, to this day, blame myself for. I shall then pull out another piece of paper and list things I've done on purpose, out of free will, and the majority, I regret. I do not in any way possible regret sharing myself with Chris. I knew I wouldn't, once I was finally ready. I love him. I am strongly, surely aware of that. I have been for a while. He completes me. He is the rock that I lean upon when I have given out and need to renew my strength. He is the one that when I make him laugh, I find myself laughing too.
I suppose everything will be alright... as "Jesus" said.... "Ye who be without sin, cast the first stone."
My Love will be alright, I'll make sure of it. Debra, as well, will come out of the hospital, fine and dandy, from her little issue with her heart......